And everything has changed. I started this blog as a way to document my journey in making a home out of the arrangements that we had at the time. Making the best out of what we had available to us. It’s all different now.
2 years ago, we had just found out we were expecting our 3rd child and I knew we had to save money wherever possible. That meant gardening and preserving, hunting and fishing, cloth diapers, and 2nd hand clothes. I was fine with it all! And it was all working out! From previous posts, we had everything set up and ready to go! Then the 3rd trimester and North Carolina summer kicked in. Most days I couldn’t get off the couch, let alone get outside to water and weed the garden beds. It was never my husband’s thing, so it all over grew, and it wasn’t the produce I had planted. Most everything failed that year, except the tomato plants I ended up buying. They went crazy. In fact, at the end of the season, when I pulled the plants out of the bed, one of them had vines 8 feet long.
Fast forward to a year ago, and it’s when everything started unraveling. My life began to fall apart. About a year ago, I decided to attend a weekend long conference. It was the first time leaving the baby and my grandma flew in to help out. Because of my husband’s job, he wasn’t going to be a reliable source of child care. After the winter we had had, I needed a break from it all. Everyone was sick. I wasn’t feeling well. I made the choice to go to the conference for inspiration but also for much needed time away. I made some life changing decisions at that conference and I shared them with my husband. Looking back, I’m pretty sure they scared and intimidated him. I was in the mode of moving forward and doing my part in contributing to our lives. Making everything better and easier. It was obviously, and painfully, apparent that he didn’t see it that way.
Now the present. We are in the stages of divorce. We’ve been legally separated for 9 months and the petition has been filed to dissolve the marriage.
Things have changed a lot in the past 2 years. We have 2 kids, a preschooler and a toddler. We’ve experienced a miscarriage that was an unplanned (by us) pregnancy. I moved 600 miles away, with my kids, to live with and be around family. I have a full time job and looking for another part to full time position. My world and environment has changed, but my goals and dreams haven’t. I turned 30 this past year and truly don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything. I know that’s not true. There is plenty I’ve accomplished. I just don’t feel that way. My 20’s, if recreated as a rollercoaster, would be a ride no one would take.
I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting and recounting, re-planning and remapping what my life should look like. Ultimately, I’ve written out my goals and dreams. I’ve cut out pictures and drawn out blueprints. I’ve decided to take one day at a time and stick, as closely as possible, to the plans I have made. I’m a lot better about allowing life to happen to those plans, but I’m also more aware of how to get those plans back on track. I don’t know exactly where this year will take me, but I’ve got goals to accomplish. And continuing on the path I started 2 years ago, making my life, AHAP.